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two years married.

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“It has made me better loving you… it has made me wiser, and easier, and brighter. I used to want a great many things before, and to be angry that I did not have them. Theoretically, I was satisfied. I flattered myself that I had limited my wants. But I was subject to irritation; I used to have morbid sterile hateful fits of hunger, of desire. Now I really am satisfied, because I can’t think of anything better. It’s just as when one has been trying to spell out a book in the twilight, and suddenly the lamp comes in. I had been putting out my eyes over the book of life, and finding nothing to reward me for my pains; but now that I can read it properly I see that it’s a delightful story.” Henry James

Thankful for the beauty of days past, excited for the adventure of future days.

Why I Think Romance Is More About The Small Things

Posted in him

Why I Think Romance Is More About The Small Things | heartnatured

I went out of town a couple of weekends ago. J was home, eating DiGiorno pizza and tackling projects around the house. We texted back and forth a little bit, but not much. While we are both relatively independent people, and while I greatly enjoyed the weekend with the girls, by the time I was in the car headed home, I was ready.

I was ready to be back in J’s presence, ready to once again be able to get his opinion on whatever was on my mind, ready to laugh with him. Why is that? Why were those the driving reasons for my excitement to return? Because I’ve come to find that my deepest joy in being married to him is found in the small things.

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Goals and Hindrances Of Good Conversation

Posted in him, relationships

Let me paint a mental picture for you…

It’s been a busy week, and you’re weary. Weary of the seemingly mundane tasks of life: laundry, dishes, cleaning. And a little frustration is creeping into your heart because your spouse doesn’t seem to be that helpful. They’re either busy at work or distracted by their own life stuff (while we are one, we are still individuals)..

One particular night you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, and you feel a small explosion about to occur. When your spouse walks through the door you get very expressive:

“Can you not see how tired I am? You aren’t the only one who is busy, but I feel alone in doing everything at home! Why can’t you pay attention to me? Why don’t you want to help me? Are you that selfish?”

And he quite possibly responds just as expressively, or maybe he’s quietly hurt or offended by your word-explosion.

Then you’re both highly emotional and it’s probably a little messy, and takes longer to make right.

This is a random example of a instance, but I think these conversations happen in relationships more often than we think. In any relationship, not only marriage.

I have never blown up at J before, but that’s not because I haven’t felt those explosive emotions, I just internalize things. Instead of shouting, I get silent. Not healthy all the same.

Even in my short (but still kind of long?) 3 years of being with J, whether it was from a mentor’s advice, or a book I read, or simply experience, I’ve learned characteristics of both helpful and hurtful conversation. I’ve also, with the help of the Holy Spirit, been reminded that the little choices greatly affect our relationship in the long run. So here we go…

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