Two good friends sat across our living room, having just asked how they could pray for me.
“I want to be a deeper person.”
In typical external processing fashion, words of explanation tumbled out: I crave simplicity of passion, sweeter clarity in my life with God and others, ruthlessly eliminating distractions and noise. I long to dig deeper into myself, the shadows and the bright colors, what is whole and what is broken, and uncover every possible layer than can be re-formed to image Christ. I need depth in my knowledge of God through the Bible, and learn to put on and pour out His truth instead of my own. I want depth in my Spiritual fruit orchard, instead of living parched and reaching for habits of patience or joy I don’t have.
All of this sounds marvelous, wouldn’t you agree? Too bad my default way is to live emotionally and mentally small and “spread-thin.” (insert exasperated emoji here)
It makes sense… I’m a Two on the Enneagram. In a run on sentence, this means I tend to give of myself, hoping my Chelsea-ness isn’t too much, to meet as many known or perceived needs as within my power, without considering the consequences.
Enter: creating a rule of life.
A rule of life “serves as a gentle guide that keeps you trained toward God.” Sacred Ordinary Days
My landing pad is a prayer of Paul’s:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father… I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:14-21
Filled to the measure of all the fullness of God? Yes, please!
No one else lives my quirky, God-ordained, unique ‘two space’ life. And I don’t want to waste the days. I can’t expect to grow and be the best made-in-the-image-of-God Chelsea I can be without intentional effort.