I am an impulsive person sometimes when it comes to my tongue. Not in a negative way, as in speaking destruction and hurt, but in the this-is-on-my-heart-so-I’m-going-to-share-it way. Sometimes there is no harm in that, sometimes it is just my passionate nature, but I often find that it makes me feel as though I am spilling all over the place, emotions and all. I speak over people, I interrupt far too often, I don’t give others the chance to get out all they may want to get out, or my emotions just get a little ahead of me. And in my heart of hearts that is not my desire at all, but… impulse still rears its head. There may be a better way out there to describe it, but I have yet to come across it.
I want to be more mindful of my words, and I want to give the Holy Spirit ample opportunity to lead and guide me in what I say, and in how I listen and discern what others say. So towards the end of 2013, I started praying that God would carve a heart of patience in me, specifically when I’m speaking or LISTENING or full of emotion. And I can honestly tell you, if I didn’t know full and well that something like this takes time to change, I probably would’ve been sitting in some condemnation on January 2nd.
I found myself, through some relatively humorous circumstances, in Psalm 139 today.
Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Verses 1-5
You have searched me and known me.. you discern my thoughts from afar.
Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
God knows me. He knows me. He knows the depths of my heart as well as the truest intention and perception of my mind. Even before a word is even in my brain to speak, He knows it and its entirety. So it only makes sense that He would be the best possible voice to listen to in a situation where true listening or patience or being silent altogether is valuable. His Spirit lives and dwells inside of me. He loves me, and I can rest in His guidance and prompting, reminding myself of Jesus’ words in John 16,
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the thing that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. Verses 13-14
I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Spirit. God in me. I am pleading for the Lord to make me utterly sensitivity to His Spirit. I trust that if I follow and heed His promptings of patience or silence (or confidence!), I will know what is best for that particular instance or interaction… and know that that is what God desired of me in that specific moment.
