The statement is not surprising to anyone. It’s not something people scoff at, it’s not a topic people tease about nonchalantly. Change, in some form or fashion, has affected everyone on the planet. (And you can’t tell me that amidst all that change there isn’t some kind of uncomfortable or difficult or even painful aspects)
I’m in a whopping state of change right now.
This change is not difficult because I want to stay but am being forced to go. It’s not an “I want to stay in high school and not go to college,” or even a “I want to stay in college, I wish I hadn’t graduated.”
I live life out of my heart, and these past few years have done nothing but seep in and take up lots of room. And rightly so.
The change happening is difficult because I have to let go of a handful of things that have been some of the coolest experiences of my life thus far.
A really cool job-relationship turned awesome friendship. I have found another family here in Statesboro, and while I know I will probably be friends with them for life, I won’t be around them every day. While the relationships will stay in tact, things will change. It won’t be an easy adjustment for me. Because both the husband and the wife of this family have become people in my life I truly treasure, gifts from the Lord. God has used them both in their own ways to help me become the person I am today. The graphic designer I am today, the woman I am today.
I’m transitioning from a common, routine, natural schedule to a completely new one. I’ve been in school for 14+ years, including summers and random national holidays. Now I’m embarking on the adventure of a 9-5 job, with the perk of not having history homework to do or a paper to write on Saturday mornings. I’m done with school… forever.
The reality of being able to rejoin true friends I’ve made from all over the state after holidays because we’re both coming “back” to the same place won’t be the case. This change brings the new reality that everyone will be scattered, relationships may fade, others will stay strong. The friends I have made this past year, my senior year, are ones I prayed for since I started college. The kind who love Jesus, who want to help you love Jesus better, who spontaneously call for dinner dates, who consistently bring you large Sonic sweet teas to work. The kind who you can sit around a pizza and talk for hours about whatever comes to mind. The kind you worship God on a Sunday morning with. The kind you cry in front of, the kind that challenges you. It makes my heart hurt a little bit knowing I won’t see them so often.
This change is tough for me because I am passionate about the work I am still doing here. Working at/with/for (however you want to put it) a church that has been a part of my life for the past 2 years. I don’t know what it looks like to put that down, to disconnect. I’m never going to disconnect entirely, I’ll still hear about things, and visit occasionally, because its people are people I love.. but it won’t be the same. Reality is that I have to put this job down so I can pick up the next one. This is difficult for me to do, I’m not entirely sure how, and the only thing really keeping me afloat is what I wrote in my last post. The Spirit of God being my constant companion.
“Sometimes the way you get to the places that matter is to slow down.” (Ann Voskamp) This change is difficult because it’s challenging me to realize that this time, while it has been inexpressibly great and beneficial for me, is also a season. Life is always happening, days are continually passing. I will exit from this season of my life a completely different woman than when I entered it, and I think that rocks. I thank God for it. But slowing down enough to let it close? To feel my way through in-between waters? To let change do its thing? That’s rich, and healthy, and even a little exciting, but heavy on my soul.
It’s even a little scary, which is to be expected I guess. It’s also exciting. With it comes new freedom, fresh experiences, new opportunities. I’m excited to take all I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, and the circumstances that have made me who I am, into my next step.. into the rest of life. BUT I’m clinging to Jesus as I do it… the only way I think I’ll walk through it well, making the most of these days.
