Why I Think Romance Is More About The Small Things

I went out of town a couple of weekends ago. J was home, eating DiGiorno pizza and tackling projects around the house. We texted back and forth a little bit, but not much. While we are both relatively independent people, and while I greatly enjoyed the weekend with the girls, by the time I was in the car headed home, I was ready.

I was ready to be back in J’s presence, ready to once again be able to get his opinion on whatever was on my mind, ready to laugh with him. Why is that? Why were those the driving reasons for my excitement to return? Because I’ve come to find that my deepest joy in being married to him is found in the small things.

I think a common misconception about marriage is that it’s all about grand, extravagant gestures — the Disney fairy-tale endings and our culture’s portrayal of ‘fabulous’ couples. Would you disagree?

What I’ve marvelously found though, in contrast, is that in the end, it isn’t the fancy getaways or expensive gifts, but the silly belly laughter, long talks, and the understanding of each other that makes romance meaningful.

In our case, it’s J cheering me up with I’m down. It’s him asking relevant questions about details of my life, projects I’ve mentioned before or a difficult situation with a friend. It’s comments like “I knew you’d like this,” or a thoughtful text or note. It’s him stopping for a quick prayer before I get out of the truck to walk inside the office.

What swells my heart are the instances where I get a real glimpse of how well he knows me. And within that deep knowledge, how he loves me. Falling into giggle fits with him, pizza and movie nights, playing Scrabble, talking about the future… all these things stir passion in my heart for my husband.

In my opinion, the small moments, the simple gifts, can never be taken away from us. Regardless of our income amount or life’s variety of curveballs, the love expressed and demonstrated in the seemingly insignificant moments is foundational for a passionate and sweet marriage.

So, I encourage myself, and anyone who reads this, to not underestimate that which seems small.

Be attentive. 

Be kind.

Be silly. 

The other day, I was in some kind of ridiculous mood, literally dancing around J as he pushed the grocery cart. He was laughing, I was laughing, people were staring. It was marvelous. We’re best friends; out of which comes a passion for and joy in life I didn’t know before marriage.

Let’s make the little things the big things. Let’s treasure our spouses and remember that it quite possibly might be love in long talks, slow Saturday mornings together, inside jokes, and eye contact that make relationships lastingly meaningful.