I know what I said….

“I desire to more clearly and confidently get my direction, my passion, my ideas, my motivation, from Jesus, from my loved ones, from trusted counselors, not from what and how others are appearing via Instagram, ” I shared.

“I hope to no longer be distracted during a great moment, because I’m trying to find a way to document it well or beautifully,” I wrote.

“I am passionate that this is a faithful choice with the Father and will make space for more growth spiritually and experience of Him,” I said.

And praise be to God, all these things have become reality, even in 5 short (short?) months.

I dove headfirst into discipleship. Began teaching middle school girls sunday school and mentoring a young friend each week. New friendships were found and cultivated, full of laughter, discovery, and excitement. I looked up from my screen in the grocery store or restaurant, and saw people more clearly. I asked questions, and listened. I laughed, prayed with, encouraged and shared my own deep feelings. I’ve discovered a deep love and fascination with people and their stories, that’s probably been a small seed my entire life, but is now a full-blown flower.

Oftentimes, I wouldn’t carry my phone on me, because the compulsion to share or document a moment was removed. I said more “thanks” under my breath to Heavenly Father than ever before, because the fullness of a moment took up all my senses. I allowed the weight of a joyful interaction or sad, confusing situation to sit, instead of escaping to the distraction of scrolling through a feed. I love capturing moments with my camera – it’s truly one of my favorite hobbies – but the freedom of not chasing down a particular instance, but to simply enjoy it, was amazing. What I did document, I discovered a desire to pair it with conversation or memory, not to share it with the world.

And the greatest of all, like I hoped and prayed, more space was made for spiritual revelation, and presence of God. Wowzers. I have encountered Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit in new ways, unearthing treasures and growth I wasn’t even aware I needed or desired. I’ve learned new things about myself, even a few painful realizations that begged for His healing and touch.

I asked, and He is faithful. Graciously and lovingly chipping away mindsets that were unhelpful, weighed me down, and distracted me from Him and abundant life.

In case you’re wondering, I will continue not posting or checking my social media accounts, but I would like to jump back into public writing with this blog.

I didn’t realize how much I would miss it, though the break was super healthy for me. But in the words of my kind and encouraging best friend, “You have a gift. Why keep that to yourself?”

Having an internet following for this blog, being known for writing good content, or even validation by kind words from friends are not the goal. Focusing on those things only cause me anxiety, and they tempt me with the lie that success and reputation are more important than treasuring God wholeheartedly. NOT a good place for me.

One desire is 1 Peter 2:9-10:

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

I hope to do this with my life – proclaim the goodness and greatness of God – but writing is a pastime I enjoy. This blog is another way to speak out for Him, to tell anyone who reads of the night-and-day difference He made, and continues to make, for me. From nothing, to something. From rejected, to eternally accepted.

The struggles, the joys, the lessons learned, the funny stories, the sad realities — He is the greatest adventure and romance, always.

Another goal is to refresh and be present in my small corner of humanity with words, whether they are mine or another’s.

So here we go… 5ish months of a much-needed, uplifting, marvelous blog break, but I’m too excited not to write here.