also, the curls also, the curls
her joy is the best her joy is the best
Happily blaming @laurenpapa3 for telling me about Happily blaming @laurenpapa3 for telling me about this series. Rabbits. Royalty. Battles. Family. Hope. SO GOOD, @sdsmithereens.

I apologize in advance if your kids stay up until midnight like I did to finish a book. 😬
We’re at the park, and she’s happily bouncing, We’re at the park, and she’s happily bouncing, amazed by the big trucks driving by, never wanting to stop going down the slide, smiling constantly — and I’m laughing with her, amazed at her joy and think — Is this what God feels like with me as His child? 

Delight. Lightness. Wonder. Love.

I was filled to the brim with it, covering every crack and reaching every corner. And then I realized — this. is. it. 

This is how I operate in the world. 

I felt so... whole... not because of my efforts at wholeness but because I have God and He has me. (Psalm 23 rings loud: with Him as my Shepherd, I lack nothing.) 

The best I can do for myself is accept and live in His love, especially when mistakes and lack and circumstances scream reasons I can’t. And the best I can do for others, those under my roof and those on this platform, is to extend invitations of His love through my own and through His Word. 

If your life has told you He doesn’t want to love you or know you, I’m here to tell that He does. It’s waiting for you, probably even pursuing you... it just takes a Yes of faith. 

Message me if you want to talk about it; I would LOVE to hear your story, no matter how different we are. 

You're not forsaken,
You're not alone
His love is unending
So know it well
Remind your soul,
remind your spirit,
remind your heart
The love of the Father
Know it well
—Kari Jobe
Bless you and thank you for your heart and work, @ Bless you and thank you for your heart and work, @morganharpernichols.
ā€œI told you about my life, and you answered me; ā€œI told you about my life, and you answered me; teach me your statutes. Help me understand the meaning of your precepts so that I can meditate on your wonders. I am weary from grief; strengthen me through your word. Keep me from the way of deceit and graciously give me your instruction. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set your ordinances before me. I cling to your decrees; Lord, do not put me to shame. I pursue the way of your commands, for you broaden my understanding.ā€ Psalms‬ ‭119:26-32 CSB‬‬
18 months old and she’s joined the ā€˜lover of t 18 months old and she’s joined the ā€˜lover of the slide’ club
ā€œWe must reflect that, when we reach the end of ā€œWe must reflect that, when we reach the end of our days, our life experience will equal what we have paid attention to, whether by choice or default. We are at risk, without quite fully realizing it, of living lives that are less our own than we imagine.ā€ William James

With the help of God, may we strive to become abiding and attentive people instead of distracted and defeated people.
The entire thing is He loved me first. And even wh The entire thing is He loved me first. And even when our surroundings are burning or when all we see is rubble, there is an unseen Kingdom to serve, a Family to be part of, and a powerful Love to give and receive. 

Every week it seems I’m inspired by a comment a friend and pastor made years ago — ā€œDon’t be afraid to talk to someone about the truth of Jesus. Think of it as joining a conversation God might already be having with that person.ā€ 

May we be conduits of that strong, courageous, welcoming, comforting, healing, transforming, sustaining, peacemaking, eternal Love. Or as Bernice King said, ā€œLove puts in work.ā€
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faith · 02/18/2018

My desire to be good enough grew bigger than my desire for God

In grace, He leads you where you didn’t plan to go in order to produce in you what you couldn’t achieve on your own. In these moments, He works to alter the values of your heart so that you let go of your little kingdom of one and give yourself to His kingdom of glory and grace. Paul David Tripp

It’s difficult to pinpoint when it began — the uprooting of self and replanting of God’s fullness.

We are all made up of unique upbringings, personalities, and passions, with an implanted desire for Someone Greater. Personally, it’s fascinating to encounter humans of all kinds, their stories, and how God helps them work out their salvation.Ā If you asked me today what has colored my life most often, in various hues at different times, I would say fear of man.

Ed Welch helps clarify what fear of man entails:

ā€œFearā€ in the Biblical sense is a much broader word. It includes being afraid of someone, but it extends to holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by people, worshipping other people, putting your trust in people, or needing people…Ā We exalt them and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to ā€œfillā€ us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear).

In my experience, living this [false] belief of ‘people are bigger than God’ bears fruit of anxiety and pride.Ā Growing up in church weekly and attending a Christian school, it surfaced in the pressure of prioritizing appearances and managing perceptions. I was happy when feeling like I was doing great for God, but when I wasn’t, I felt terrible. So I strived to always be ‘good.’ By my teenage years,Ā the belief system had grown deep roots: I knew what I should do, and as long as I continued, I wouldĀ be good enough. Good enough for God, good enough for other people, good enough to believe I was strong, beautiful, or capable.

 

+++++

 

Gradually, my desire to be good enough grew bigger than my desire for God.

I just didn’t know it at the time.

Life became shoulds andĀ shouldn’ts, and believing myself worthy became the foundation of my identity and my joy.

Maintaining approval, from God and others, became my measuring stick for godliness.Ā 

 

+++++

 

This sin is sneaky. ItĀ appears godly. It even feelsĀ like a right priority. But at its depths, at the very root, is an idol of self-sufficiency rooted in fear and pride. While having an interactive relationship with God, I carried burdens alone.Ā I saw God as Father, believed He loved me, sought to know Him in the Bible, but deep down lived as if He expected me to earn my righteous standing before Him.Ā I thought following Jesus meant sinning less often, striving for better, and keeping people happy. I spent more time anxiously paralyzed over how I was ‘doing’ at living for God than resting in His grace, and my eyes were more often on me, not Him.

Self said, “Why is this a problem? You have a good life. You do good things. What’s the big deal?”Ā But Holy Spirit was enlightening,“Do you feel free? Do you believe God’s eternal approval and life in you, based on His resurrected Son? Can you see how destructive this idol is to your soul?”

As this realization sunk in, I all but weeped on and off for weeks.Ā Truthfully, I didn’t know if I could change. The addiction to earn ran DEEP. His way felt unfamiliar – a complete letting go and trusting Another’s perfection to count for me? I wasn’t sure how to peel my fingers off the hard and fast grip I had on my desire to be good enough. I wasn’t even sure I knew what true Gospel freedom and stability felt like.

God graciously started pulling out weeds, replanting Gospel seeds, and reworking my heart’s soil. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was healing.Ā 

He brought me back to the basics: He’s Almighty God of the Universe, and created people for relationship. He’s holy, we’re inherently not. We could do nothing by our own ability to cross the gulf that was our sin to appear righteous in His eyes or live His abundant life.

I tearfully walked through the Gospels, following Jesus and trying to put myself there, His eyes finding mine on the gruesome final moments of His life, and the joy and wonder of the day He rose.Ā Believing Jesus as Lord and Savior forever seals our identity as children of God,Ā reconciling us to God. THE JOY.

Blessed be God, amidst so many causes of mourning in myself, it is still my duty and my privilege to rejoice in the Lord; in him I have righteousness and strength, pardon and peace. I have sinned — I sin continually — but Christ has died, and forever lives, as my Redeemer, Priest, Advocate, and King. And though my transgressions and my enemies, are very many and very prevalent, the Lord in whom I trust is more and mightier than all that is against me. John Newton

 

++++++

 

REALITY: God doesn’t ask me to be sufficient in sinlessness. His plan from the beginning of time was that Jesus be all-sufficient. His expectation isn’t for me to manufacture my own good standing before Him; He asks me to believe His Son’s sacrifice for me, and trust Jesus to be my goodness.Ā Nothing can be added to His perfection and His completed work – it’s where we rest. This is a life of faith.Ā A life of faith centers on God and His perfect, crucified, resurrected Son – not self.

Hallelujah. Thank you, Lord.

Faith unites us to Christ, and He becomes our foundation for obedience to God. Isaiah 33:6 says “He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.”

The ascended Christ in heaven is the foundation of our hopes, the source of our sublimest joys, and the sufficient, the only sufficient, answer to all the suggestions by which guilt, fear, unbelief, and Satan, fight against our peace. Surrounded as we are with enemies and difficulties, we plead, against every accusation and threatening, that our Head is in heaven; we have an Advocate with the Father, a High Priest upon the throne, who, because he ever liveth to make intercession, is able to save to the uttermost [Heb. 7:25]. Tony Reinke, Newton on the Christian Life

There’s so much I could say, because I’m still in the middle of this.. camping out in the Bible, moving slowly, like a blind person being led by the perfect Helper, asking for new eyes to see… yielding my heart to Him for care and transformation, trusting His hand.

The old mindset is being dug out from its deepest point, and new faith is being planted: keep both eyes on God.Ā 

 


More to meditate on:

2 Corinthians 9:8
Romans 8:15–17
Philippians 2:12–13
Romans 3 & 5
1 Corinthians 15:20-28
Galatians 2:20
2 Corinthians 12:9
2 Corinthians 5:11-21

In: faith · Tagged: biblical truth, fresh start, grace, holiness

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Comments

  1. Ashton Morgan says

    02/26/2018 at 11:21 pm

    Grateful for these words and your heart, sister! <3

Trackbacks

  1. resurrection vision: letting every sense of your humanity send you deeper into Jesus – heartnatured says:
    04/02/2018 at 8:15 pm

    […] I shared in my last post about how I have spent most of my life thus far idolizing ‘good enoug… […]

  2. strategies of hope for a recovering earnaholic – chelsea eubank says:
    11/07/2018 at 10:07 pm

    […] this year, I realized (thank you, Holy Spirit) something striking: my greatest desire wasn’t God, but to be good enough in all eyes (my own, others, and His).Ā In my experience, earning love is a sin masquerading asĀ not that bad. It is a mixture of fear and […]

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also, the curls also, the curls
her joy is the best her joy is the best
Happily blaming @laurenpapa3 for telling me about Happily blaming @laurenpapa3 for telling me about this series. Rabbits. Royalty. Battles. Family. Hope. SO GOOD, @sdsmithereens.

I apologize in advance if your kids stay up until midnight like I did to finish a book. 😬
We’re at the park, and she’s happily bouncing, We’re at the park, and she’s happily bouncing, amazed by the big trucks driving by, never wanting to stop going down the slide, smiling constantly — and I’m laughing with her, amazed at her joy and think — Is this what God feels like with me as His child? 

Delight. Lightness. Wonder. Love.

I was filled to the brim with it, covering every crack and reaching every corner. And then I realized — this. is. it. 

This is how I operate in the world. 

I felt so... whole... not because of my efforts at wholeness but because I have God and He has me. (Psalm 23 rings loud: with Him as my Shepherd, I lack nothing.) 

The best I can do for myself is accept and live in His love, especially when mistakes and lack and circumstances scream reasons I can’t. And the best I can do for others, those under my roof and those on this platform, is to extend invitations of His love through my own and through His Word. 

If your life has told you He doesn’t want to love you or know you, I’m here to tell that He does. It’s waiting for you, probably even pursuing you... it just takes a Yes of faith. 

Message me if you want to talk about it; I would LOVE to hear your story, no matter how different we are. 

You're not forsaken,
You're not alone
His love is unending
So know it well
Remind your soul,
remind your spirit,
remind your heart
The love of the Father
Know it well
—Kari Jobe
Bless you and thank you for your heart and work, @ Bless you and thank you for your heart and work, @morganharpernichols.
ā€œI told you about my life, and you answered me; ā€œI told you about my life, and you answered me; teach me your statutes. Help me understand the meaning of your precepts so that I can meditate on your wonders. I am weary from grief; strengthen me through your word. Keep me from the way of deceit and graciously give me your instruction. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set your ordinances before me. I cling to your decrees; Lord, do not put me to shame. I pursue the way of your commands, for you broaden my understanding.ā€ Psalms‬ ‭119:26-32 CSB‬‬
18 months old and she’s joined the ā€˜lover of t 18 months old and she’s joined the ā€˜lover of the slide’ club
ā€œWe must reflect that, when we reach the end of ā€œWe must reflect that, when we reach the end of our days, our life experience will equal what we have paid attention to, whether by choice or default. We are at risk, without quite fully realizing it, of living lives that are less our own than we imagine.ā€ William James

With the help of God, may we strive to become abiding and attentive people instead of distracted and defeated people.
The entire thing is He loved me first. And even wh The entire thing is He loved me first. And even when our surroundings are burning or when all we see is rubble, there is an unseen Kingdom to serve, a Family to be part of, and a powerful Love to give and receive. 

Every week it seems I’m inspired by a comment a friend and pastor made years ago — ā€œDon’t be afraid to talk to someone about the truth of Jesus. Think of it as joining a conversation God might already be having with that person.ā€ 

May we be conduits of that strong, courageous, welcoming, comforting, healing, transforming, sustaining, peacemaking, eternal Love. Or as Bernice King said, ā€œLove puts in work.ā€
Call it ā€˜a Sunday stroll in Appling.’ Call it ā€˜a Sunday stroll in Appling.’

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