Houston, we are almost at the end of week 36!
As many women in this position can testify to, my heart and mind are almost constantly whirring with questions, wonders, ideas, familiar desires and dreams.
Thought #1: Woah, how is this baby going to come out? (Which is polite code for: CAN MY BODY DO THIS?! THIS BABY HAS TO COME OUT.) I remind myself the truth: God wired and designed my body with the capability to give birth to this baby. There’s no certainty of how it will go, what I hope for might happen or the complete opposite could happen. Either way, God-willing, this human will come out healthy, breathe life, and we’ll rejoice.
Thought #2: It’s quite the feat to hold grace in one hand and preparation in the other. I’m doing my best to get everything I can completed at work before baby and maternity leave, but some things are out of my hands and I have to release it. We’d like to finish a few things around the house before she comes; if they don’t get done, it’s really okay. Purchasing, organizing, and packing hospital bags are all kinds of wise, but if it doesn’t happen the way I hope it does, grace.
Thought #3: Prayer has never been a challenging practice for me. Maybe it’s because I’m an external processor and I know God’s always listening or maybe it’s simply a grace-gift from Him. But wow… if I thought I talked to God a lot before, the past few months have put my past 18 years of praying to shame. I am either talking out loud, under my breath, or in my head CONSTANTLY. I seem to be taking “I am with you always” quite literally: who cares if I’m talking to an empty room, I’m not by myself, Holy Spirit is here too. Ha! There are just so many wonderings, worries, hopes, requests, decisions – I might combust if I kept all of it tornado-ing inside. #externalprocessorsunite
Thought #4: Normally, I’m an emotional eater, and I really enjoy food. I want it to be satisfying physically and mentally. Not sure what this says about me. The past few weeks I have been the most indifferent about food. I literally want nothing. Hardly anything sounds good, meaning it takes me a bajillion minutes to make a decision when J asks me what I want for dinner. (Sorry, not sorry? Haha.) Although, I’m not sure how kids contract allergies from birth on, but J says if it’s based on what the mom eats while pregnant, this kid will definitely not have a peanut allergy (#peanutbutterallthetime).
Thought #5: On repeat — keep the Lord always before me.
“I keep the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body also rests secure. For you do not give me up to Sheol, or let your faithful one see the Pit. You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:8-11
Thought #6: Enjoy. This. We don’t know what our future days hold, we don’t know what our family will look like as we journey on, but we’ll never have a season like this one again. The preparation for a first baby, the conversations J and I have as we plan and dream for this next chapter, our adjustment and growth as a couple, the shift of our prayers, etc. We’ll never be having a first baby ever again. So I preach to myself: dig deep for the smile, find the laughter, say thank you, and enjoy it!
May you always be joyful in your union with the Lord. I say it again: rejoice! Philippians 4:4 (Good News Translation)