December 31st doesn’t only end the year, it ends the decade.

I entered this decade about to graduate from high school, and I leave it a few months into motherhood.

I entered this decade wondering about which relationships would stick and which would change, and I leave it having just celebrated 5 years of marriage to my best friend.

I entered this decade unsure of who God was calling me to be, and I leave it fueled by His smile and surrendered to His leading.

I entered this decade wanting to please everyone by avoiding conflict, and I leave it more free than ever, desiring authenticity and compassion in my relationships.

I entered this decade timid and religious, and I leave it happy in the Lord, cultivating a living, breathing friendship with Him.

I entered this decade wanting to be good enough and I leave it knowing He is my goodness.

I entered this decade fearing disapproval and rejection if I messed up and I leave it confident in Jesus my righteousness.

I entered this decade trying to earn love and I leave it enjoying the steadfast love and presence of God.

But maybe most of all, I entered this decade believing God expected me to be awesome, strong, put together and known by others to be used and loved by Him… and I leave it disturbed if anyone sees me but misses Jesus.

This was the decade of finding joy and wonder at being hidden in Christ. This has been the decade of enjoying the private moments with God than the loud and noticeable ones. This was the decade of realizing how much I truly, genuinely adore Him as a Father, Friend, Teacher and Provider. This has been the decade that transformed my faith from following rules to anxious performing to real relationship. This was the decade where I began to see in me what He sees in me. This has been the decade of unclenching fists and learning to live open handed. This has been the decade of clumsily learning how to receive.

This was the decade of discovering the crossbeam, the treasure, the joy, the refuge, the best of life is not me but Jesus.

What was this decade for you?