Something about the cooler breeze, sun setting, fall feels of the trees and my smiley 2 year old daughter made me want to cry. The weight of the beauty of it. The joy of it. The gratitude. I wanted to hold the moment for as long as I could. The pressure in my chest. The creation before my eyes. The delight I felt for this moment with my daughter. It was an unhurried walk in the middle of a day filled with a lot of talking, a lot of preparing, a lot of hurrying.
It made me realize how much I want my real life to be enough for me.
To not “need” the entertainment of fictional life on tv or the inspiration from other peoples’ lives on the internet or an escape from the day’s monotony or stress with my phone… because I’m genuinely content in my life.
I put quotation marks around the word need because a good book or movie or keeping up with my best friends via Instagram can be meaningful. But wouldn’t it be incredible to be so full of the people, moments, work, goals, fun and presence of God in my life to not regularly crave a break from it or a different/better version of it?
I shared this online a few weeks later, and even today is still resonates with me:
In the past hour we have played at the park and sat in the driveway in my parked car with the windows down and her in the driver’s seat, eating a snack and dancing to @slugsandbugsofficial and it’s so incredible in it’s simplicity, it strikes me — I’m in true control of little to nothing but what’s in my control is gratitude and savoring and worship. And surrender. And receiving. And trusting. And I hear @katecbowler in my head, “God is here. We are loved. It is enough.”
Life is too unpredictable, too wonderful, too much a gift, to tailored for me specifically, to not ask God to help me be in it as fully as I can be. With Him. For Him.
Still mulling all this over in my head and heart. I welcome any thoughts you have!