No matter what, I have God.

As I hear details of global conflict and of a friends’ suffering, as I embrace limitations of a pregnant body, as I steward deep and tempting-to-consume-me hormone-fueled thoughts… I grasp for steady footing… and then think: No matter what, I have God.

Beautiful. Powerful. Grace. All true.

But would it be enough if I don’t actually know from real experience and trust as a real person and love as the greatest love of life this God whom I have?

Lord, I want it to be enough. More than enough, I say.

Control is tempting. Worry even more so. As are numbing distractions. And worldly comforts.

But a repentant and surrendered heart to God? Vital. Freeing. Different.

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Over the summer, walking the seashore at night with my sister and brother-in-law, they talked about a house they were planning to buy. I was half-listening (Sorry, Kendall.) I had stuff I was burdened by and I needed God’s thoughts. I asked for wisdom. I wrestled down my pride.

Looking out into the eerie black ocean, I heard, Come into the sea with Me.

I’ve thought about those words almost every day since I heard them. I’ve treasured them and they are still impacting me. And I’ll break them down a little…

Come into the sea, the wild, powerful, deep, beautiful sea. Away from the shore. Away from the shallow. Come into the sea where you float, where you’re carried, where you have nothing to grasp onto and only choice is to be [immersed]. I am the sea. Come away from life as only you can handle it and into life of absolute trust and yieldedness to Me. Wherever the sea moves you, however it moves you, I am with you, I am in you, I am for you. Open your hands. Or let go.

Away from the comforts and control and convenience and clarity of the shore. Into the unpredictable, powerful, wise, perfection of the reality of God.

It’s a practice of surrender. All the time, every day. With little things and huge things. I don’t think I’ll ever fully master it.

To trust God wholeheartedly is to then be loved and to be loved is to be free and to be free is to be courageous and to be courageous is to be a Kingdom force of Jesus-nature in a world screaming at me to be anything but.

I share this in the hope that if you feel like God has you on the edge of the shore, or the cliff, or your comfort level, I’m with you. And He’s always worth trusting and following. No matter how slow I am, no matter how often I’ll forget, no matter how challenging life can be, no matter how much I stumble. May we be people who go deep with God and then offer that depth to others journeying with us.

“Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.”

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Photo by Giga Khurtsilava on Unsplash