“His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.” Psalm 147:10-11

How often did I pray only for healing instead of communicating with Him from my yet unhealed place? (#)

Sitting amidst a variety of toys and our talkative little ones, I shared a glimpse of my insides with two close friends in the same trench of baby-hood. As comfortable as I am with them, it was only a skim across the top few layers. Mostly because of time and level of volume. :)

In the last 8 weeks, we’ve had multiple colds, a bout of the stomach virus and celebrated Christmas and all that came with it.

“Truthfully, I feel okay, but I only have capacity for what is right in front of me, nothing behind and little for ahead,” I said. (Not a bad place to be, daily bread and all.)

With the present help of a merciful God, I feel capable to do what’s before me, but in the quiet, slow moments I feel a bit frayed at the edges.

Years ago, I would’ve hated this feeling. I would’ve buried it with extra productivity or a fleeting escape and done my best to battle through, saying little and wrestling down shame over my weakness.

I realize today how much I miss of God when I approach a challenging moment, day or season that way. A better way would be when I sense the fraying, when it seems easier to turn away from Him, to open myself up toward Him. Instead of sinking further into the quicksand of unbelief and self-pity, I say Okay to my neediness and Yes to His heart for me.

From the fraying place, I rehearse what is true. He delights in my trust (even if it’s faint) that He is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do.

My weakness is more the doorway to His presence than my strength. As I notice my fraying edges, I must also notice that even here, whatever my here looks like, His hand guides and holds me.

And you too.