on being more neutral

We have forgotten how to be neutral.

I’m going to speak from a mom’s perspective because that’s a perspective I have, but I think this can apply anywhere.

It’s too easy and tempting and downright fleshly to respond to a fellow mom’s opinion, decision or processing by feeling superior or inferior.

Superior — “Phew, I’m glad my kid is more like this.” Or, “I feel better because I’m different in that way.”

Inferior — “Great, now I’m second-guessing my own choices.” Or, “I’m anxious because I don’t think I’m doing enough compared to her.”

Neutral. Humble. Content.

I heard Shauna Niequist say once that we can’t compare and connect at the same time. I would also add that we can’t champion and cheer and collapse inward at the same time.

It’s something I’ve been actively trying to practice for the last year, and it’s made a Mt. Everest difference in my inner life, especially since having Jules.

Feeling superior or inferior — prideful or insecure — adds little but fog and extra weight to our souls. And it’s usually rooted in fear. (Well, mine is.)

This posture also makes it nearly impossible to love another mom. And let’s be real, we need all the love and support we can get from our fellow trench-mates, yes?

So, I encourage you with what I encourage myself: Am I seeking the Holy Spirit as I parent? Am I open to counsel from wise voices (not Instagram)? Am I trusting God to be God for me and my children? Sovereign, kind, good, all-sufficient, seeing and knowing all. Then whatever another mom chooses and however another kid is developing that is different from us and ours, it can simply be that. Different and okay.

Not everyone will understand what you’re growing, but that doesn’t mean what you’re growing isn’t important.

Jennifer Dukes Lee