I’m weary of the way I’m carrying things.
That’s the line that went through my mind at 4:32pm. The 4-5pm window is probably the hardest hour of the day in my opinion — dinner prep, end of the day, hungry, etc — anyone else?
So I tease it out with my in-heart Counselor for awhile. Whether you’re a parent or not, the journey can be hard. We bear the responsibility of living in this world. But I think we also add weight to our packs with the way we go.
Instead of standing strong under the significant mantle that is parenting, I find myself more often staggering under the burdens of discontentment, grumbling and escapism.
We carry so much as parents. Delight, sorrow, discouragement, sacrifice, questions, hopes, trust, struggles, uncertainty. Turns out, how we carry it is just as, or more, important as what we are given to carry.
Because then this thought came to me: Our time is now. My time with the girls is now. Their time is now. The present moment is what I’ve got. These are my days. This is the work and plot of land to tend that God has given me to do.
And it matters what script I start with and continue with: I don’t have what I need. or I do/will have what I need.
There is nothing little in God; His mercy is like Himself-it is infinite.
Charles SPURGEON
I have been doing a whole lot of ruminating longer than necessary in other voices, judgements and expectations. God’s, however, shed different light and give different air.
God is an ever-flowing fountain and my natural effort is a bucket.
My natural self says…
I need quiet to be calm;
that what’s out of my control is unbearable;
that I’ll never figure out the right strategy so I need all the information;
that I don’t have it in me to do one more dish or give one more instruction;
that purpose is found in what’s visible;
that this sacrifice costs too much or that need is too great;
that to give of myself I need to be full of what I deem satisfying.
His math is different. His power is unmatched. His love and help always available for the taking. His presence enough to meet any need or desire. There is nothing little in God.
God says… He will present (and generous) for the energy in my tasks;
the wisdom in my discipline;
the joy in my laughter;
the comfort in the chaotic moments;
the filling for my pouring out;
the strength for my absorbing the impact of life;
the companionship for my boredom;
the love for every person around me.
Now, let’s go ahead and say that I’m not talking about martyrdom or shame or foolishness in not knowing our limits, but, I am saying that we get to choose whether we live in and for our kingdom or God’s kingdom. And it’s a daily, if not hourly, choice.
To the God who fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish, I say, I can’t be vibrant without caffeine and a full night’s sleep?
To the God who healed lifetime ailments, I say, I don’t have enough to meet this daughter’s need or that friend’s request?
To the God resides (stays, lives, constantly) in me, I declare that I’m lonely or bored or hopeless?
What script am I operating from? From which am I taking my cues?
We have a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.
Larry Crabb
A script idea: The Lord is my Shepherd, right here, right now, even here, even now, and I have all I need.
Prayer ideas: Father, please multiply this faithful effort; fill the gaps with grace; give me eyes and ears to experience You here.
Grant me courage, Lord, to do today what you have given me to do, to say what you have given me to say, and to become who you have called me to become. In Jesus’ name, amen. (Pete Scazzero)
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